 I'm
John Kuypers, founder of The Institute For Present Living & Learning
and President of Performance
Shift Consulting.
I help clients, both business and personal, to lead others more
effectively by being more "present" when it matters most. The result
is clients who live and work together better, and feel good about
who they are and how they perform.
In my twenties and thirties, I was a
high achiever who didn't feel good about myself on the inside except for
one unusual year when I was 23.
It happened when I moved to Montreal and lived and worked French as a
second language.
I later discovered that learning another language unknowingly forced me to
live in the present. I had little choice but to listen to each syllable
being spoken in order to understand others. The effect on my
confidence and success was amazing. My career and personal life
soared. But it didn't last. For years, this memory haunted me.
I became a corporate vice-president
in sales and marketing by 34 years of age. I was successful on
the outside but I became surprisingly more unhappy on the inside.
Work
dominated my life, seven days a week. I couldn't shut
down my racing mind. I changed careers three times, but that only changed the nature of my
stress. My inner turmoil did not go
away. I was searching for an answer but always coming up empty.
One day, a friend introduced me to the idea
of being "present." It was a new idea, something I had never
heard of. He learned about it as a means to help his autistic son.
I immediately knew that this explained my problem. I could see that
my mind was never present but rather was always replaying past events so
that I could analyze what to do in the future. I immediately read books
and then took several courses including a life-changing two month
full-time course.
Focusing on being present
taught me to like and trust myself. I discovered that I was
afraid of showing my emotions, making me a very analytical person. I
learned that it was my beliefs and expectations that were causing me to
analyze everything as a way to avoid my real feelings and conflict. I
wanted the approval of others above all else. This awareness began the
start of a new way of living my life by being authentic. I came to
understand the way in which my past (childhood stuff) had impacted my
self-perception as a lovable person, causing me to offer up a facade of
myself. The real me wasn't good enough.
I learned that judgments block our
ability to be present. You cannot be both judgmental and present
at the same moment in time. They are opposites and cannot co-exist.
That is because when we compare the present and moment to a past or future
expectation, we are instantly not present with the moment as it actually is.
To my surprise, the Bible was filled with teachings on being non-judgmental.
I recommitted myself to the Christian faith of my youth. I
grew up with weekly church attendance but in my teen years, I rejected it
all, feeling very judgmental about church. As I learned about what it means to live in the present and experienced
its immeasurable peace, I began to understand that to be present, you have
to be able to trust the future. The only way to trust the future is to
know who's in control of the future. For me, that is God. God is
love and his son Jesus is the embodiment of love. To be present is to
be in a state of love, which we are all seeking yet are often afraid to
embrace.
I later wrote a book about
non-judgment for
Christians (TNJC). This followed my first book called
What's Important Now (WIN) on six principles I used to every day to be
present. Non-judgment has guided me through a tough divorce, a second
marriage that broke down twice, parenting and step-parenting challenges and
constant career changes. I have learned what it means to trust my
future to God so that I can live in the present most of the time. No
one can do it all the time - no one is that perfect!
My experiences evolved into my third and latest book
for leaders called
Who's
The Driver Anyway? Making the Shift to a Collaborative Team Culture (WTDA).
WTDA explains the root cause of why we judge and hence why we are not
present - power struggles. We want control and we use judgments to get it.
Who's The Driver Anyway? provides a simple, practical way to solve this
problem by using a driver:passenger metaphor to clarify and agree on who gets to decide,
whether at work or at home. Using four words and three steps, Who's
The Driver Anyway? tackles the root cause of not being present.
Being present is a way to
know and accept yourself, feel loved on the inside and have the
courage to be who God meant you to be, especially when things don't happen
your way or in your timing. May you find the present moment as much
of a blessing as I have!
Peace,
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