Divorce with love...is it possible?

Divorce.  Been there.  Done that.  Roughest experience of my life.  Yours too, in all likelihood.  Especially if you've got children at home.  Or money to fight over.

People who divorce have a lot of past to let go of.  What's tougher is that the divorce itself lays down a new past, a recent past, that fuels even more anger, resentment, bitterness, lost dreams and loneliness.

I've met divorced people who describe their divorce as if it happened this past year.  Then I find out it happened five, even ten years ago.  They still think about their ex.  They notice what he/she is doing and compare their present circumstance to what might have been, should have been, could have been...

They feel betrayed, rejected and humiliated.  They  feel unlovable and not good enough.  They may even have long, nasty legal fights, give and receive low blows designed only to hurt - to get even, to show their ex that they will not be treated in that way.

Let's not even think about the harm happening to the children.  The message that love is bad, that relationships are frightening and hurtful, that a parent is "doing it" to the kids.   The cost is high - financially, emotionally, mentally - even physically as the stress of the battle wears on.

If you recognize these symptoms, you can find help - local church groups and not-for-profit organizations that offer courses.  Excellent books out there like Bruce Fisher's REBUILDING, and Harville Hendrix's GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT.   All these provide insights to help come to terms with this huge loss.

Divorce is an amazing opportunity to grow as a person.   If you want to be sure you won't make the same mistakes again, learning how to be present is the way to do it.  In the present moment, the past is gone.  Not forgotten, but rather harvested for lessons, and then let go.  Otherwise, you can be sure you will repeat the mistakes of the past.

What's powerful about being present is that it is a state of love.  Fear is the cause of living in the past and future.   Love is the cause of living in the present.  You learn how to love when you learn how to be present.  When people are on their death beds, love is what they think about.  Did I love well?  Was I loved?  Read this article if you want to learn more.

Learning how to love again requires REAL Change.  You've got to want to do it differently.  You can just wish it.  You can't just say, "Okay, now I'm different."  You've got to lift the rocks, look under the bushes, take down the protective and elaborate defense systems you've unconsciously built up over the years to protect yourself from getting hurt.  When you focus on being present, you learn to NOTICE when you're doing it - and with The W.I.N. Way's twelve strategies, you can trust yourself to learn new ways, in this new moment.

Protection from hurt is protection from love.  Love means willing to get hurt. 

No risk = no love.  Simple as that.

Learning to be present, is to learn to be tougher on the inside so you can dare to love again.  If you're fragile, distant, cautious, timid, shy, or overly aggressive - you are fighting love.  You are running away from it.  Intimacy scares you. 

With our coaching programs, we gently help you pick up the mirror.  See yourself.  Accept yourself as you are, warts and all.  Then you will discover that you are good enough - fat, skinny, goofy or serious - no matter what others think.  Then you'll have the deep self-confidence to live, love and feel joy - in the present moment.

Our programs last 10 weeks.  There are four of them.  All four cost C$5000.  One costs a lot less.  A healthy you is priceless.

Is learning how to be a loving person worth a year and the price of a vacation for two that lasts a week?  

If you think so, send an email or call John Kuypers at 1-877-688-6326
 

 

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