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Marriage is the biggie! Okay, maybe money is the biggie.
But marriage is right up there as a source of great joy and great misery.
There is nowhere that learning to be present is more beneficial than in your
marriage. Every hurt, every unkind word, every failed
promise, every shattered hope and dream can be found in marriage.
Overcoming these and finding a way to accept the person you married AND
letting them accept the person they married (that would be you, right?) -
these are they keys to finding real love.
Real change in
marriage comes through conflict. Conflict?? YES, CONFLICT@!!!#@!
No, it doesn't have to be anger and rage, though sometimes they are what's
happening, whether you like it or not. Conflict is necessary because
marriage is a close relationship. And the closer the relationship, the
more likely that personal boundaries will clash.
You know the ones. Where she puts the toothbrush.
Where he leaves his clothes. How she cooks dinner (or not).
Whether he is understanding enough. Whether she (or he) wants sex as
much as you do. What colour to paint the bedroom. How a child
should be raised. Where to spend your money. And so on.
Serenity soon gets lost. Conflict is how you resolve boundary differences.
Conflict is how you notice when you're not present. Rarely is a fight
ONLY about the present moment. It's the twentieth time he's forgotten
to do what you asked. It's the hundredth time she has given you the
cold shoulder
All that past gets triggered sooner or later. The volcano erupts.
One of you threatens to leave, or gets frighteningly angry. The
intensity is ENORMOUS! By learning how to focus on the
present moment, you learn how to set aside the past hurts and the future
fears and focus on this moment. The present moment issue.
The never-ending underlying battle of
Near vs Far.
You learn new ways to
communicate. To listen. Real listening, not just to gather information
for your counter-argument. Marriage is not a court of law.
THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG. There is only your view and their view.
Your reasons and their reasons. Your hurt and their hurt.
In the present moment, you accept your differences. You are oil. He or
she is water. One connected to the other. One affected by the
other. When the water moves, so does the oil. When the oil
moves, so does the water. You can't escape unless you get divorced.
That's oil in one bottle and water in another bottle. OF COURSE
THERE'S NO CONFLICT THEN!! I don't have conflict with my neighbours
either. I don't live with them.
Distance = no
conflict, and no intimacy either. No love. Learning to be present is to focus on
finding serenity within yourself.
Our Coaching Programs will give you tools to find love from within yourself, rather than
trying to pull, cleave or cold shoulder it out of your partner.
Is your marriage worth the price of finding serenity
and peace within yourself? The cost of a personal
coach pales in comparison
to the cost of divorce, let alone the emotional ripping wounds. And
then what? Do it all over again with a new partner?
Harville Hendrix, author of Finding the Love You
Want (great book!) says that in his 20+ years experience, most people
belong with the first person they married. Work it out. It's
worth it, when you have tools that will help you not only survive, but
thrive. One present moment at a time.
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