|
Real
Sex.
The most vulnerable activity any person can
engage in. Your body isn't all that's naked. So is your
heart and your mind. And your soul too.
Of course, if
you're trying to keep those last three safe - not vulnerable - then it's
only your body that's showing up for sex. Then sex is likely not
very good.
You can't both protect your heart, hide your feelings,
be emotionally distant - and have satisfying sex.
The French call orgasm "Le petit mort". "The little
death." You must let your walls fall, fully and completely, in order to experience
the fullness of the sexuality that God gifted to you.
You
can only be sexually vulnerable if you feel safe. Emotionally
safe. Spiritually safe. Mentally safe. Physically safe.
When you feel safe, you are free to take great sexual risks. I don't
mean stupid sexual risks that invite AIDS or other problems.
I mean wonderful sexual risks like telling your partner what you want.
Like trying new ways that your partner wants. Like opening your
heart to the risk of getting hurt by accepting and sharing every part of
you.
Great sex begins
in the kitchen. Are you safe with your partner? Can you
openly disclose how you feel, what you want without getting jumped on,
attacked for that "silly idea" or abandoned with the cold shoulder for days
in a row? If so, you have what it takes to have a great sex
life. If not, it won't happen. Relationships are about
"distance".
Are you guarded?
Is your partner guarded?
Do you play it safe?
Do you avoid "sensitive" topics?
All of these lead to not being vulnerable. Walls which lead to low sexual
energy. When you learn
better boundaries, you learn how to
feel safe EVEN WHEN IT IS DANGEROUS. You learn to be tougher on the
inside and gentler on the outside. You learn how to take down your
walls, risk letting your partner see the REAL you and handle the
consequences if they don't like what they see.
You learn that
you are in control of YOU. You are NOT in control of your partner.
Waiting for your partner to change so you will then feel safe is a fool's game.
When you're present, you are
safe, no matter what your partner thinks or does. No matter how they
are reacting (shaming, or indifferently) to you and what you want and how
you perform. You become the instrument of change. They will be
affected too, in ways you'll only know when it happens.
If your sex life is dull or disappearing, taking our coaching
programs will make a powerful difference. You'll learn how to
reconnect with the inner child within that is the source of your sexuality,
and that is fully in your power to unleash - no matter what your partner
says or does.
You can't have great sex if you're not fully "present" -
all of your mind, body, heart and soul immersed in the sexual experience
with your partner. If your mind wanders about 'to do lists', if you
fantasize about someone else while with your partner, if you see sex as a
duty,
you will discover that focusing on NOW and learning to be more present in
your daily life will spill directly into your sex life - a vibrant, alive
and loving sex life with your committed partner with whom you feel safe.
|